My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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