They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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