well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
