Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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