Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
