What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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