The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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