one two three fourrrrnication!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
