i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
