shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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