every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
