On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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