he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
