just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
