If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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