you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
