Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
