Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
