i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am naked and annoyed.