And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
