I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs