I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER