so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.