My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...