herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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