K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
