It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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