I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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