I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
