Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
