Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize