Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
