Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
