you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
