He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
