i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
