Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
