So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
