if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
