dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
