Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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