Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
