i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
