If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
