the condom got lost in my hair
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
