It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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