My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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