At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
