We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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