I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
