That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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