Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
