Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
