If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize