They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
