I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize