3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
