my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
