I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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