Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize