How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
