if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
