I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
