we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
