Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
