it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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